My graduation wishlist

Every girl have that one dream bag. A designer bag, a multipurpose bag, or any specific bag they have in mind. Not necesarily expensive though. It might be a Hermes, Chanel, Kate Spade or Tumi. (Tumi is one recent brand I just discovered when my bestfriend showed to me. It's her dream bag because... There's a built-in micro chip in the bag. How awesome is that?)

As for me, it's just a simple-cute-not too pricey-bag. The Bow Bag. It was love at first sight when I saw it on billboard advertisement in Korea for the very first time. Just the right size, cute ribbons at each side and a tiny fold with metal Miu Miu written on it. Miu Miu yet to enter Malaysia market during that time. I fell in love at that very moment. (I'm more to heels person. Falling in love with handbag is so unusual for me).

When Miu Miu was officially opened in KLCC, I had a quick peek on it. Admiring it, trying it on andddd check the price. Er, ok... Slowly put it down, smiled at the salesgirl and quietly out from the boutique. I was a 4 months old employee with a fresh grad average salary. That's like 2 months++ of my full salary? Hmm. 

I even put it up on fb as a hint back in 2011. 

I then kept on telling my mum that I want it as my mba graduation gift. But mum kept ignoring me. Ok fine. I can wait for another few years as my doctorate gift then. (Mum disapproved this proposal too, but I don't care. Hee). It will be kinda cool when I walk around with the bag that carries my "Dr" title. (I already plan to name it as DBM - Dr Bow Miu)

When I bought some other designer handbags, mum will always perli me. "Why buy this when you always wanted Miu Miu?" And I always responded "because I want Miu Miu as a graduation gift". There's one time when I was purchasing a bag and while the sales attendant was wrapping my bag in the box, my mum again asked me "are you sure you wanna buy this bag? I bet you won't use it just like your other bags. Why don't you go to Prada next door and check your Miu Miu availability. As for this bag, I'll buy from you" (durh. Nice try mama. This is not like Carlo Rino that sells their product at Bonia boutique. Have you ever seen Marc Jacobs at Louis Vuitton?). -______-"

Last week, we had a visit to Starhill Gallery for mum's new handbag (anniversary gift from dad to her). Just so you know, it's like an annual thingy where I will follow her to the boutique. She'll ask the attendant to take out like 20 handbags from the display and pretended that she's having a tough time to decide on which handbag she wants, *you know... because it's a gift so she better have the best one. -__-" (Honestly she already browsed and decide a month earlier lol). 

We then walked to pavilion for lunch. Passed by Miu Miu and I told my parents that I wanna have a quick peek (which means the package of trying, admiring, smiling to the attendant and quietly out from boutique. Lol). The attendant greet us with a big friendly smile. 

"Hi. I just. Just. Just.... wanna survey on the current price of that ridiculously gorgeous cute Bow Bag"
"Oh! Bow bag! Hold on. Lemme get it for you"
"No no... I just wanna know the price..."
Too late. She's already out from my sight and happily running downstairs to take the bag. 

There it was. In front of me. Gorgeously shining. 

"The current price bla bla bla. Oh ya. For your info, it will be discontinue bla bla bla. The new production price will increase for another +/-10%"

I was in my awe mode and not listening properly to what she said. 

Wait. A. Minute. 

How much did she said just now? The price increased by thousand++ from the last time I touched this?! 
Discontinue for how many years again??!
Another 10% increase??!

I sighed. Trying it in front of the mirror with cute Shrek-Pussy in Boots-Eyes to my parents. Slowly I put it down on the sofa (sad face still there). 

"Miss pretty, we are only left with 2 units now"

My eyes widen. Turned to my parents at the sofa area. One is pretending to reply whatsapp although he did not subscribe for internet data. Another was busy picking up her new bag that I dropped on the floor the moment we entered Miu Miu. (That paperbag annoys me a lot. Get out of my way!). I turned to Lala. She gave me one annoyed look. "You just bought a bag last week, mok" *damn. Such a concrete justification. 

I waved goodbye to the bag. Omg. So dramatic. Mum then told me"if I were you, I'll grab the bag. Only 2 left with price increase after one year? How much will that be? 7-8k? Buy now and We will look for a new dream bag as a gift."

It's like a huge motivation. I ran to Miu Miu. The girl saw me and understood without me saying a word. She rushed down to take the bag. 
*God bless you Chloe! hugs*

For the past 8 years, I swore to myself I'll never buy this bag. It's supposed to be a present (One of the reasons I wanna further study. Lol). I'm thinking of canceling to purchase. The only person that can stop me is Lee. I texted her and if her reply is a "No", then I'll stop Chloe from wrapping it. (She's already stuffing papers in the box at this stage). 

20 minutes and still no reply from Lee. Oh well. 

And yeah. I slept with a huge smile on my face that night. Lol. 

Now. Let's look for a new handbag as graduation wishlist, shall we. Tumi maybe? So the name will be DTM - Dr To Me. 



The Double Line Robe.

Disclaimer: Some Most photos attached are pre-bertudung and extremely FAT.

Ok grandpa, dont stare like that. Worry not, I'm not gonna ask for a selfie with you.


It was not an easy journey, but surely FUN. Hold on, it's not even a difficult journey too! Lol.  
You would have no idea how long it took for me to pursuade my parents for my M.E. Was thinking to continue right after degree, but dad disagree and he challenged me to get some work experience first. He kept on telling me "it's not easy to secure job nowadays. My driver is a degree holder and yet look at how he earn. You still dare to tell me about pursuing your master without any experience?" Me being the person that will not keep still on challenges, immediately sent out my resumes. In less than one week , I received calls from few companies and couple of days later, I signed the offer letter as a contract Accounts Executive in one MNC company in Kelana Jaya for 6 months. *self-shoulder pat*. Yup, contract. I just need to gain some experience right. Half year is surely enough? (Stubborn me declined the permanent offer and took the contract instead). I had my convocation while working there and I swear to myself I'm going to further my master very soon. Read here. 

Right after I completed my 6 months contract, I happily hugged my parents to get the permission for my ME. Again, declined. Lol. So that was when I got stuck with the current company that I'm serving now.
-__________-" (oh I love JCI. Really). 

Somewhere end of 2011, I started to check and survey universities but still I don't know why I did not do any further progress. I still can't make up my mind either ME (Master in Economics) or MBA. A(n ex) friend of mine kept on giving me support (in a way of telling me Just apply that goddamn registration. I'm getting bored hearing you said wanna study but do nothing!) hahaha. I told him that CGPA shall be 3.0 at every semester else you'll be repeating your semester and he said that's just a piece of cheesecake for me. Like durh. I posted this in FB, and Azri commented on it. 

I guess, that's how it started for both of us in our MBA; me and Azri. I was on vacation at Indonesia when he called me for about 69963748 times to reconfirm if I will apply together for the Dec intake. During the interview, we both know that we will get Executive MBA program (5years working experience with 3.5 CGPA for degree), but we promised each other that we will apply the evening track MBA as we won't want the class to interrupt our quality weekends (yeah right!). So when the panels asked us for the second time, we are still firm with our answer; not EMBA but E-track MBA. 

For those who has been talking rubbish all this while, let me clear the air for you. Full time MBA will be for 1.5years,while E-track MBA and EMBA for 2 years. However, coincidentally during our intake, the school decided to try an error by making us, the E-track students to graduate only after 3 years. Yes. Only for our batch. So please; no, I don't repeat a single paper. No, I don't drop and retake subjects. And no,I don't extend my study to unnecessary semesters. Me and my classmates enrolled together and graduated together. None of us is a repeat student. Clear?

I'll say you need a good network in your masters journey. Here. This is my utmost thanks to my beloved friends. I love you all!
  • Abg Shy and Kak Fatin: I would never forget the moment we had an interview for my HR assignment at OU Starbucks. Razyn was super bambam masa tu!
  • Hajar: Company M as the case study in my Operations Management, I've got A for it babe! 
  • Shah Totot: Coming late at night to WUG after work and to answer all of the ridiculous questions we have on supply chain, you are really my bestfriend!
  • Hilmi: The best IT person! Thanks bro for your help in creating that fake online store for my IT subject. Yeah. Too basic for you, but way too complicated for me! Lol. 

Homaigad! Honestly this post has been on my my draft for almost 2 months. Lol. I swear, there are hundreds of name that I wanna include here, but I just can't remember anyone at the moment. Forgive me, but do know that I will always appreciate each help that I received from all of you. 

There is something that I never admit to anyone before. In fact, to cover my ego up, I kept on complaining. The thing is... I am glad and appreciate my boys a lot. I never say this in front of them -____-" 

But if everyday kena buli like this, how can i not complaint also?

Azri. Thanks bro. I can never be like you. An exec, a businessman, a husband, a father and a student. Amazed me a lot on how you really managed to allocate your time to fit in each of your responsibilities and yet, never let us down. I'm glad! Really am. 

Amin. You too deserve a big clap from me. How you really can work with us me, and traveled all the way from cheras to Shah Alam, beating the traffic everyday. Wow. I can never do that. There is no way I'll just bulldoze and participate in our daily discussion. Every. Single. Day. And you too, never let us down. Your efforts are superb! 

And have i told you that i had the most amazing classmates ever? Like literally the best! How all of us will pretend to focus and understand each others' presentation, nodding and say 'ahhh.. yes yes. understand now' so that the professors wont ask any further questions to the presenter. Crazy whatsapp discussion with crazy topics on daily basis. Class trips, nonsense assignment. Lol.

3 days, 2 nights Induction at Melaka. Durh. The facilitators dislike me as i skipped both compulsory 7am exercise. You gotta be kidding asking me to wake up that early!

OMG Nik. Just look at us back then. So ridiculously FAT!

Oh ya, i think we have one same class with this celebrity.

A day visit to the orphanage, (obviously the boys love me!). The class subject was Organizational Behavior. Till now, i dont understand the relevant of the visit. Lol 

Watching latest episode of HIMYM in the class like a bawse.

Oh just a typical poyo-group photos in front of Air Asia flight as soon as we touched down at Jogjakarta. 

Perks of wearing 6" heels. Lol.

Just another sexy shot of Azri. Hahahaha

I was the Public Relation person between our class and the universities at Jogja. Gadjah Mada insisted a fee of Rupiah1,000,000 for an hour session when i contacted them at first. After a quick call with him (MY call to ID for 20 minutes cost me RM50 and a phone barred right after! lol), he sent an email saying that they've changed their mind and will make it free (flips hair). My dear professor here was being so curious on what i had negotiated and try to korek the answer. HAHAHAHA!

Amin memang suka amek gambar aku senyap2. Hahahaha


The scariest moment. Viva, Finally.

So nervous while waiting for the panels and audience, so i decided to take photos instead. Lol,

A view from the panel side. I was presenting right at this moment and just look how relax the boys are! Mentang-mentang their slots dah over and I am wrapping the findings and conclusion. -__-

An hour after the viva presentation.......

And finally graduatedddddd!!!

Hahahaha. I havent receive the original copy of this shot yet, but found this in my timeline (tagged to Nik obviously). The cliche campak-topi-photo.

Thank you mamayah. You both are the best. My sibs for handling my mood swings. My friends which sometimes gets annoyed whenever I declined of meeting them and even brought some notes over our coffee session for my exams. My bosses for being understanding and approved my study leaves for almost 4250790 days per year and my ex for paying my registration fees and text books (muahahaha).

Ok. Surveying for PhD shall we? (that might takes another 3 years before i can decide which school and what course i guess. Lol)


The Berak Boy

I If one ever ask me who is my fave modern love story couple, it will not be Prince William-Kate, or Brangelina or Beyoncé-JayZ (gosh. I just googled 'Beyoncé's husband name'. Lame me!). My answer will definitely be Intan-Hafis.

Flashback to 12 years ago: 
The class was having the daily 5 minutes party (while waiting for the next teacher to come in). Azri as the class rept was busy playing rodeo broomstick with his Enam Jahanam team while the other girls were gossiping with each other. Intan asked me, "have you ever wonder who our future husband will be? I wonder what he's doing right at this moment." Blankly, without even thinking, I replied her "oh, nothing much. I guess he's just pooping right now babe, that future hubby of yours."

So yeah. That Berak Boy has been identified. Lol. 

The first day Hafis reported to work at the company that they are currently working now, Intan texted me saying that there's a new hottie in her office. (Errr. Ok. Hottie is very subjective).

They went through lots of ups and downs that me and lee will end up sharing Kleenex if we think about it. The patience that they have for the past 6 years (I'm just simply picking up a number here,I have no idea how long they've been together) and the stubbornness attitude from both of them: finally lead them to happy ending. 

Never that i heard them having a big argument except for this one moment, where Intan called me crying like a baby lost her mum. I was literally putting my phone on MUTE laughing like nobody's business at the other end of the call as she explained what has happened and the reason they actually fight.

Congratulations you two! I love you both to the moon and back. To dear hafis, please take a good care of this petite girl. To Intan, never ever make my dear hafis cry. Lol. 

Terharu tak? This post is my wedding gift to both of you! A sweet little writing! Hahahaha. (Save money. Yay!). Sweet kan? Kan???!

That 'oh-em-gee-are-you-sure' look. 


The 180 change

No. I'm not getting married.

It's like an auto script for me whenever someone sees the new me. That's then lead to another question. "What makes you wanna change out of sudden?"

Of course. This is like a vice versa of the old me. I am the one that concern a lot on my appearance. The corporate look must be there. It's a must. Knee length waist line/pencil skirt, match with fitted blouse with a small scarf wrapped around my neck. 

However, little that people know that I've been procrastinating on my decision of covering my hair for about a year. It's been ages I didn't wear tudung. I bought my very first tudung during Lee's wedding for nikah, last year. Admit, I'm not a pious person. So when the other girls were busy discussing about how to wear the tudung for the event, I don't even give a damn. I gave 100% of my trust to them to buy the tudung that they've decided. What I know, buy one for me and I'll pay them. I'm just gonna wear it for solid 2hours the most. 

A week before Lee's wedding, I streamed YouTube on How to wear simple hijab during lunch hour. As my hair is totally naked, I looked at the empty cubicle stations and grabbed a colleague's pashmina and tested. Taraa. Not bad for a dummy like me. I tested and tested and tested until the owner of the pashmina back from lunch. Lol. I felt some sort of calmness when the fabric covered my hair and I remained it on top of my head for few hours. 

Ever since that, I feel like I wanna wear it for real. To make it permanent. To make it part of myself. To do what is actually required by Islam. But. But. There's always but. 

-I love my hair. I really2 love my hair. It's my main asset. 
-I can't stand being in hot condition. And I'm that type of person that easily sweat like Niagara Falls. 
-I have hundreds of inappropriate clothing. At least 70% of them will not be suitable with tudung. 
-and the lists goes on and on...

Despite of having 1001 reasons, i still cant find any of the reasons as my justification not to wear it. Fast forward to Oct 2014. Me, Lee and Hana were discussing about the bachelorette party that we plan for I&I. I stopped Lee when she suggested to compile all of our past photos together for the props of the event. Immediately I PM-ed her and told my plan, even suggested to her to compile fresh new photos for the props (only after i wear tudung).

"Really babe?? Alhamdulillah!! When?? (Shit, I need to give you 5 free shawls!)" 

That's the reply I got from my bestfriend. She promised me that she will buy me 5 shawls if I decided to wear tudung. Lol. So when she really asked me when, there is no other suitable date than the day I was born to this world. 

Some might think that why delay when you already decide. Why do I have to wait for another few weeks before I really change? Well, I've been flipping my hair for years. I've been wearing shorts and skirts every week. Also, I'm a CS person. Lol. There's a lot of thing that I need to slow down before i change my appearance. We are not talking about the physical change only. I don't want to have that regret feeling because of a drastic change. I always believed that a drastic change will caused a drastic regret afterwards. Moreover, I need to actually learn how to wear proper tudung. 

The second person that knows about my plan is another sweetie of mine, Yue. I just love how she don her tudung and the way she addressed her tudung always carry confidence together. I told her my plan, and she got too excited. Bahahaha. Every week, after ofc hour, I'll be at Yue's house getting scolded by her for wrong lilit2 or I pinned the scarf to short and all. Thanks sayang. I owe you a lot!!

I then decided to purchase dUCk scarf as my first trial (elegant & corporate look, remember??). It's one of the most famous scarf brand, with limited design and stock. One thing about dUCk is that they are only available in Fashion Valet, via online purchase. Pfft. (I don't do online purchase!). So when one day I got to know they will be opening a booth for 3 days at BSC, I jumped up and down! I really2 want it!! More than the desire I have on that Dior heels! So I went to BSC with Yue, just to know that there's only one piece left. While the girl wrapped my gorgeous satin scarf in the box,some other girls were asking on the same design too at the counter. Hahaha! Unfortunately, the last piece belongs to me, girls! They got upset and exhaled a big sigh. 

Is that for you?
Will you be using that as a neck scarf only?
I planned to wear it as my hijab. Why don't you pass it to me and buy other design?

Pfft. Just because this free hair girl is about to purchase the scarf. I gripped the box, put on an awkward smile and say no. Sheesh. At the end, I WON. *flips tudung*

My biggest scare is that I thought that I'm gonna regret it. Previously, whenever I attended any event that requires me to wear tudung, in 5 seconds after I entered the car, the tudung will fly off from my head. But Alhamdulillah and surprisingly, I don't feel that way anymore. Maybe because my heart sincerely accepted the fact of my changes? Despite the hot weather during my brother's convocation, I feel OK with the fabric covering my head. Maybe because it's from dUCk? Lol. 

I'm happy to see positive feedback from people on my changes. And I AM happy with my changes. I should have done this ages ago! Sigh. 

So guess who are the most excited people with regards to my new changes?  

Sorry that I don't do selfie, babe! I'm still curious btw, why she wants my selfie. She knows me for 15 years for god sake. 

My first photo donning a scarf on 2nd day was posted in my insta. She then reposted it in her insta. Lol. 

Some caring friends congratulate me and advised me to remove my old photos. I'm thankful for those reminders, my dear friends. But it might take some time. Give me some times, yes? Don't be too shock if I still post some old photo of mine as a #throwback. Lol. And for those who have my old photos, I am humbly asking you guys to delete it. But what's done is done. It's not your fault, so if you feel like you wanna keep it, I'll respect the decision. Nevertheless, each memories just come once. 



Exactly. Exactly the same. 

Not sure if I'm holding on because of the past, or because I do really feel comfortable with the current situation. 

For now, just stay. 
For now, please don't go. 


27 dresses (perasan!)

I've been a bridesmaid since I was small, during my uncle's wedding and had been, ever since. I love being one, because it excites me a lot to be part of the wedding progress, not only as one of the eating guest. There's a lot of issues here and there, you name me any of it.

The Last Minute
Yeap, been the last minute maid of honor for a couple of times.
The first was my own sister's wedding at Perak. Lucky enough for me and my cousin Hafiz, we were both wearing a similar color outfit. That's one thing about us. Whenever there's an event, both of us will start to plan what color to wear, regardless during Raya, or any other event (this was before he moved to Aberdeen to pursue his PHD). So without any delay, we grabbed the umbrellas and  kipas and straightly stand next to the newly weds.
The second happened recently. My close colleague out of sudden texted me and request me to be her maid of honor with the fact that the wedding is only one week away. Apparently, her bestfriend which suppose to be, have an emergency issue and need to fly to Kelantan. I can be cruel by rejecting it straight away because I was totally busy during that time. Her wedding was scheduled on the last day of the month, which obviously is my peak time on financial month end closing. But I decided to say yes. Why must I spoil the mood of the beautiful bride for this minor problem when it's actually suppose to be the best day of her life?

Car broke down
This was the biggest nightmare ever. I had this one pinky promise with Kak Fatin, that I'll be her bridesmaid when we were still studying back in UPM. She was still single when we made the agreement. Bahahaha. So when one day she called me to break the news, the only thing that crossed my mind was, She's not calling  me to tell me that she's getting married, but more to "BE PREPARED MY BRIDESMAID! Time for you to loose some weight!" So on the day itself I drove to Selayang with Bobby, and even woke up as early as 8am (Note: me and Bobby are that type of human that can't even open our eyes until the clock ticks at 10). Halfway down the road, we were at Kelana Jaya when Si Hitam's meter suddenly dropped drastically although I've pressed the pedal with all of my energy. We're stuck at Shell KJ for at least one hour. Called Kak Fatin and informed her to get a backup immediately since the time was already 11am. She freaked out (who won't?). Got a rescue and we immediately shoot off to the location. Just In Time. Reached there right before the groom actually sampai. Flips my hair and only managed to touch up my lipstick. My hair was a total mess and I have no choice but to put my shades on top of my head to cover my messy hair as emergency hair band. 

A fight with the bestman

Gosh. He's one of the most annoying person I've ever met in my life. Come on bro, we're here together and suppose to be one team. But he kept giving this sarcastic jokes and even gave me those synical smiles. Like I care. As if he's so damn good looking that I will be drooling for. We even had the fight on the dais itself, until the newly weds need to stop us from uttering out bad words. The bride in the most sweetest smile on the dais to cover in front of the hundreds guest told me "Fida, stop it before I drag and solemnize both of you!" That shut me fast. I won't want to marry this particular sickening man! Haha.

Dress issue
You know that one moment when you were so busy that you can't even have one spare hour to do a fitting for your bridesmaid dress? So unlucky for me, I took the dress on the night before the wedding. It don't FIT me at all and I have to do dress hunting at 9pm on the same night! Most of the boutique are about to close their business for the day, and the most hardest part was to look for the exact dress color, to match with the bestman. T____T  I was so exhausted to run back and forth to almost 15 boutiques in an hour before 10pm. At 9.45pm I stopped at the final boutique and swore to myself to grab whatever dress available. Lucky for me, the color that I've been looking for was available. With 20% discount somemore! Lucky Faridah is Happy!! Cash back from the bride on the very next day during the reception. Lol.

You will still have the jitter, no matter how many times you've been on stage. For the last and final time, which was for my own bestfriend, I was super gelabah. Which type of design is best for the dress? I bought 2 new heels for the event, for whichever suits better (buying new heels for each event is a must!). Will I trip and drag the bride and we both fall together? What if I have last minute outstation or exam on the mentioned date? 

All of my friends are super gorgeous on their big day event. :) Kan? Kan? Kan?
*some already wears tudung now, so let's keep the photos to myself. Haha!

Insomnia Attack

25th August, 2014. The rain doesn't show any sign that it will subside soon. Damn. I love this weather. If only I can be on bed in my dark room with aircond on, covering myself in blanket with the background of jazz songs. Sounds perfect.

Unfortunately no. Here I am in my work station, staring blankly at my laptop with the notifications of 69 unread emails as of 12.24pm (say whattt. I just cleaned up my mailbox the night before! technology is getting better day by day, ey?). Anyway, for those who know me, you might be aware that I just reached ofc about 20 minutes ago. Late, I know. And because I'm such a problematic staff in coming to ofc on time, I need to quit writing this and attend a meeting now. Pfft. 

I'm back! That's one long concall though (concall is my middle name anyway, awarded by Lee). Now only I realized that I put up half way post. lol. Ok, back to the story. So last weekend, I was driving, with swollen eyes and kept yawning every 5 minutes (macam contraction nak beranak). A friend, that was sitting next to me just gave an eye and asked "you replied my text only at 12pm, fetched me at 3pm and yet still dare to show me that sleepy face. What did you do last night?"

Simple answer given "I slept at 430am, babe." 

My insomnia somehow has gotten worse. Every night, my brain will only officially rest at around 4am. 
Every. Freakin. Night. 
It's like my biological clock is having some faulty parts. 
Or maybe it become one of the habits. 
Or maybe, I'm actually a European stranded in South East Asia. Durh. 

Is it really a habit? I kept on wondering if there is a way to change my sleeping style. You see, I will usually stay in ofc until 8pm or if I have a thesis discussion with my boys, the earliest I will reach home is at 10pm. Once I reached home, I will spare some minutes gossiping catching up with my parents about the day. At around 1030pm, I will need to force put Syasya to sleep. The dialogue will always be "I'm selling Sara Bella if you don't sleep now" or "if you have difficulty to wake up tomorrow, you will sleep with papa then". 

I really really wish I can fast asleep at the same time too, but I just can't. So at around 11pm, the scene will be me forcing Lala to watch Runningman together (I used to hate this show but now I know how ridiculously funny it is. Hahaha). Depends on the day, usually it gonna be 2 episodes back to back. Else, one episode and then we will be at the kitchen cooking for my dad's sahur at 1 in the morning, feeling half sleepy. Once done, off we will climb the stairs to our own room. 

But then my cruela eyes will be widely open again after Isya'. No problem, grab some journals and read it, for thesis preparation. In 10minutes, I'm already super duper sleepy (hahaha! The power of reading journals). As I'm about to switch off the light, again these nasty eyes decided its time to pull another joke with me by getting fresher than ever. Then I will open both laptops, watching HIMYM or romantic comedy movie such as He's Not That Into You or How To Loose a Guy in 10 days while another laptop to read my emails and run some reports or in easier term, I will be working for 1 or 2 hours that night. Sigh. 

In the end, I will not know when I actually doze off. Laptop A will be next to me on the table, with movies or drama still playing on VLC player and Laptop B will be underneath my head, auto hibernate but still dispose that hot air next to my ear. Eeek. 

I really really need to do something. My eyes is not cooperating well with me. I woke up with panda eyes and unlock the laptop passwords with pyjamas still on, continuing my work for another certain hours. Only at 11 I will start to prepare myself to ofc. Le sigh.   

Not that I didn't try. I tried many times. I avoid coffee after 9pm, I took milk before sleep, I took warm shower and straight to bed, I read classical fiction story book. At the end of the day (or actually at the early of the following day), my eyes and brain decided to komplot together and will be like "Haha! You can't sleep yet. Let's think about issue A. Or have you resolve issue B? Or why not you check your emails if boss already reply you? Wait a minute, have you prepared the analysis requested by client earlier? Anyway, have you prepare for your Viva? Any heels in mind for that very important presentation? Didn't you plan to complaint about us - your eyes and brain in your blog earlier today?"




I miss him. So badly now that I can't think well. He's always there for me. Everyday. He will wait for me through my working hours, through my classes. I miss him even more with the fact that weekend is approaching. We went through a lot of ups and downs. My heart in a deep pain whenever I see him in pain. Though it looks like I didn't care much about him, that doesn't mean I don't love him, right?

The day he went away was the hardest. I cried badly, holding him tight, not wanting to let him go. I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing. Until now, I keep asking myself, will I not regret it?

Take care si hitam. I hope the new person will be much better than me in handling you, baby. I love you. The best 5 years of memories with you will always be in my mind. 

Drama queen, I know. I almost burst in tears in ofc when daddy called me saying that the apek is about to leave with my car. Knowing mama is the super drama queen, I called her to stop apek and wait for me to come home immediately. Thank you mama! (Still mad that she captured a photo of me crying whilst hugging si hitam)


Goals and Considerations

I've been to many business trip with the company before but this one, really something different. Other than being kacau by the you-know-who at 3 in the morning, we also have one night slot with professional trainers after our dinner. 

Steve,one of the trainers instructed us to write down our name and draw three icons to represent ourselves. He gave an example of himself by drawing a sun (he loves to keep people smile), an angel (which according to him that he loves to help people) and a devil (he can be mean if someone pisses him off). How far the truth of those icons are none of my business. 

So I pulled off the cap of the marker and jot down Faridah, and flipped the card and drew my three icons;

Hahahaha! Seriously... I've to admit I am a materialistic girl. But I don't touch people's money so... Yeah.. Shut your mouth. 

I always have this one confusion on decision making. Sometimes I become an optimistic person with full of positive thinking, but sometimes it will be the other way round hence will procrastinate the decision. Lol

 Oh shut up. Every girl is a drama queen!

The second icon somehow attracts Steve's attention (durh) and he then said he have a game for us. Each individual need to stand in the front at one time and tell the rest about their life goal together with 5 obstacles that make it hard to achieve the said goal. 2 supporters will be standing behind the individual while another 5 people will each pick one of the obstacles, becoming a devil. In 30 seconds, all devils need to shout their points to the individual on why the goal should not be proceed. The individual need to fight back on and the supporters to support from behind. 

It was then my turn. I told them the goal (which is not a new thing to my team anymore and semua dah dapat agak! Lol). Julian, my boss was the first person to raised his hand: to become a devil under the career obstacle. Pfft. (Thanks boss. Lepas jadi my devil, you forced me becoming your supporter. Tak aci!) 

Steve glanced at his watch to count the time, but I stopped him and moved backwards. Gosh. I am so not ready to hear the details of those obstacles which I've been denying all this while. Got myself back together and the time start. 


I can't hear much when there were 5 adult men screaming and shouting before my face all in one time. For the first 15 seconds I just keep quiet, didn't fight at all. I was too shocked with 5 men shouting and screaming at me, with those scary facts. It was way too loud: all shouting at me within 1 inch away from my face. My supporters keep on giving me supports until one of them tapped my shoulder and said "why don't you fight back?! Fight them now. Their points are getting solid! Fight!"

Yes. I fight back. We had a very big shout to each other. The hotel's staffs must wondered what happen in the meeting room, hearing loud screams and shouts from 8 people. Hahaha. But the truth, I kept on glancing at Steve, hoping for him to declare "time-up". I'm about to be defeated by these 5 devils!

During the break, Steve met me personally and asked if I'm ok. (Of course I am not! I feel demotivated more!) we get back into the meeting room and he gave some motivational words, with a hint in his eyes on me.  

It's really easy to say.. To chase what you want in your life... To know that we only live once... To grab the chance while you have the opportunity... Yeah. It's that easy to say. 

Next, Steve gave each of us a lantern. To write down all of our wishes. I got really excited on that. Lol. Here's what I wrote; 

Ok. Sucks handwriting. Steve asked us to write lightly takut the paper koyak. Hahaha. And yes, I wished all my siblings to be fatter than me. Hahaha! 

And then, I flipped to the back and wrote this; 

Typo error there. It's supposed to be  Dr Faridah Noor without 'a' at the front. T___T. 

Andddd.. It's time to light the lantern and let it free. We went to the jetty by buggy at 1am. Selawat banyak2 dalam hati weh! Lalu hutan kiri kanan. Haha. 

And goodbye lanternssss!!! 

It was amazing. Beautiful night. I realized that although I feel demotivated, that doesn't mean I'm giving up. I feel much better looking at the flying fire, seeing that despite the wind is strong, they still try their best to last longer. I shouldn't give up too. :)


Shit happens

What will you do if you have no concrete proof to stand for yourself? All you can do is to deny every single words that been thrown to you. You know it's not true, but you really don't know how to convince the people. When you don't even understand or have any clue on the things they said. The assumption they had is wrong. The rumors they heard is absolutely big false. 

All I did was cry. Because it's painful to know they lost their trust in you for that one moment. That something really rasuk them to actually believed that story. 

What's more painful?
Because they are part of the significant people in my life.